"You're starting your Masters? That's amazing! Your mom must be so proud!" And she is, as I am. There's something about transition periods and officially dawning a new title, that never quite lives up to expectation.
I remember sitting in my room during undergrad in life sciences, planing out how I'd tailor my degree plan to allow me to be accepted to a Data and Analytics program, just like my Masters at Georgia Tech. Evidently, that planning and effort has paid off.
Despite knowing several graduate students personally, and not thinking too much of it, I still anticipated some grand moment of deliverance or exaltation. Of course it didn't work like that, people are just people and school is still school. Just another accolade and position to demystify. No reverence here.
The ardent stereotype of delaying adulthood by going to grad school may have not been a factor in my decision, but it seems as if were back here again. My friends have already entered the workforce, getting engaged, buying real estate, and here I am again, back at square one.
I won't say it doesn't have perks. Truly embracing the life I had as an undergrad, I'm embarking on various hobbies again to keep myself sane and well-rounded. As much as I envy my more well-established peers, I recall a distant echo saying, "don't look at me. I'm just a pharmacist for 40+ more years. You actually get to explore still." And I suppose it was right. The grass may often fee greener on the other side, but it's green where you water it. (Pharmacist salary doesn't sound like it would hurt right about now though...)
"All I do is just work, and live for the weekend until I'm tired, then repeat. This can't be it until I retire q_q" someone else said, and ya know, it really was easy to fall into that routine while working. Guess we all just need to get out of our way. (Heaven knows I do. I'll update you when I finally do...)
The program's entirely online. That means, no gallivanting across campus or fun club activities. (Not like grad students are known for that either.) I didn't even pay the fee to get my student ID created for me. It's even easier to self isolate than it was doing remote work. At least I've put systems into place that get me out of the house. Now i just need to figure a way to make my whole life not revolve around school. Lame doing undergrad, lame now. There's more to life than that. I've seen the light now.
This exam season I got super anxious for an exam, and since I spent so much time indoors, it as easy for me to just curl up in a ball somewhere. But then thinking big picture, especially since it wasn't even worth that much, I could finally tell myself "this is stupid, and totally not worth this level of panic." Because it would count for so little in the long-run. No one cares about my GPA anymore once I'm 95% sure I won't do more schooling and 99% of jobs I applied for didn't ask for my GPA. I have that perspective now. I really hope I can view the rest of my exams like that now. Not that I won't study, but I won't feel like it's the end of life as I know it., since I have things I can fall back on now.
It's just so sad how much it takes to feel "secure" in life sometimes, like you always need things juggling in the air and have literally everything, under control. Finances, housing, relationships, physique, career, future goals and ambitions. And if one hair is out of place, then how good can your life actually be?
But if you wait to have no problems to be happy, then, you'll never find happiness. If everything being up to you is supposed to make you feel empowered, I ain't feeling it, ngl. Makes me feel more like we're DOA and to abandon ship now. (I found the cause of the problem! Someone thought it was a good idea to put me in charge!) But I'll persevere. I'll figure something out I always do. I haven't had that level of faith in awhile, but I'm starting to again.
Blissfully yours,
Kaelme (Kay-Lum)
P.S. My GPA is the best it's ever been and I barely did anything differently :p. Guess it's just the change in program to something that suited me better!
